Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

I had run out of hope.

Whole-body movement play shows promise for children with autism - PsyPost

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

I was tired of fighting.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

What do you think of the 2 female 18 and 19 year-old German tourists, detained in Honolulu, strip-searched, put in green jumpsuits, placed in a holding cell and the next day deported, for the terrible crime of not pre-booking a hotel for their trip?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

According to Amy Schumer, John Cena was actually inside of her during the TrainWreck love scene. I thought that was illegal in Hollywood?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

I was tired of trying and failing.

You are like me, then.

Portugal beat Spain on penalties to win Nations League - Yahoo Sports

It’s still here.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Why is the world male-dominated?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Do you love fat pussy?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

And the sadness?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

PS5 shooter goes from 5 players to bestseller after devs defend game - Polygon

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

What is the most overrated pleasure? Why?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What was the worst spanking you ever got? Why did you get it, and how was it given to you?

The sadness was still there.

Be who you already are.